Xander's Heart
by Cronkalini
Summary: How Xander has felt about Faith all these years. Maybe just maybe she feels the same way. oneshot fic.


Xander POV:

I'd never met a girl like Faith before, and probably never will again. The first time I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one, the one for me. Her hair was a deep chestnut brown, like a Hershey bar. She had beautiful brown doe eyes and a curvy body. I'd been crushing on Buffy, but that all flew out the window the minute she walked in the door. She was everything Buffy wasn't. She was wild and carefree. She was in love with life and loved to fight. She was the greatest slayer there ever was, in my eyes anyway.

Faith always put up a tough front. She acted mean and nasty to everyone, made it seem that all she cared about was sex and slaying. The nicer people were to her, the meaner she was to them. If people got nice then they might break through her walls and hurt her. At least that's what she thought.

It's no wonder she felt lured to the dark side, hell, I probably would have too. She had been alone and without much of a purpose for so long that when the opportunity came up, why would she turn it down? The mayor offered her a job and love. Fatherly love that she never had. He was better to her than any of us, and we were supposed to be the good guys.

Faith always wanted to be like Buffy. Buffy had friends, family, a boyfriend, the perfect life. Faith had none of that and she desperately wanted it. Of course, no one new she envied Buffy, but I could tell. When you have nothing, you envy people who have everything.

I knew that she had had a ruff home life. It was obvious, the way she hated authority figures and avoided questions about her past. Angel shared with me what he knew, he always sensed how i felt about her, even before i figured it out. I guess dead boy isn't as far from the living as i thought.

They were all surprised when Faith turned herself into the police, but not me. All you had to do was look in her eyes to see that she wanted redemption. Sometimes if you glanced at her in the right moment, you would see a flicker of emotion, before she buried it. Faith never did like to show her feelings; they were a sign of weakness.

One thing I regret is that we never let her in, never let her be one of us. Everyone wanted her to be a Buffy clone. We never accepted her, but we expected her to accept us. Buffy got to live in a nice house, got to have a watcher, and was surrounded by her friends. Faith lived in a motel, even though she was only 16. Giles never really paid attention to her unless there was a problem, and no one tried to be her friend.

Last week I got a call from LA. It was Angel. He started talking about a prison and my first thought was 'Faith.' "What happened?" Angel told me that Faith had been working in the prison kitchen when someone stabbed her from behind. The girl who did it is dead, but not because of Faith. That was Angel's undercover workers that were never caught.

I drove to the airport and caught the next flight to LA. Gunn drove me to the prison. I sat by Faith's bed for 3 days and nights. The 3rd night she awoke from her coma. She looked over and smiled when she saw me, "Hey X."

"Faith" I said. "How are you?"

"You know me, five by five." she smirked and went on "look Xander, I've messed up big time."

I interrupted "Faith, you don't have to..."

She said, "Let me get this out. I tried to kill you, I hurt you and all of your friends, and I killed that guy. And I feel really bad about that. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever hurt you and I'm sorry for what we could had."

Then I told her my secret, "Faith, I love you, I've always loved you since the first time I saw you. Nothing you did could change that."

She gasped and whispered, "I love you too." Then she closed her eyes, took her last breath, and was gone.

Faith POV:

The first time I saw Xander, I have to say I wasn't impressed. I never thought he would be the one. He looked like a nerd who was in lust with Buffy. He was always staring at her. After a while he started staring at me. The day he showed up on my doorstep after I had finished patrolling, I was surprised at him. Well, I gave him what he wanted; at least I thought I had. The next time he came over, I tried to kill him. Out of all my mistakes, that's the one I would take back. The pain I saw in his eyes still haunts me to this day.

Even when I thought I had left Sunnydale forever, I couldn't leave everything behind; either that or it wouldn't leave me behind. Xander was always in my thoughts; I couldn't get him to go away. His quirky grin and his stupid jokes wouldn't leave me alone. Everywhere I looked, I saw him. He probably never told anyone, but he wrote me a letter once. Angel told me in one of his visits. Unfortunately I was in isolation for too many fights at the time so I never got it.

Xander always was the real watcher. He was never the leader or in the spotlight, just one of the followers. But he was the one who saw what passed by everyone else. He noticed when things weren't right, when someone was upset. Hell, he even noticed me.

When I turned myself in I was seeking one thing, redemption. From the world, yeah; but mostly from him. I wish he could have been there. I hope I made him proud. I did it for him you know, a little for me, but mostly for him. I knew that we would never have a relationship of any kind. There was too much bad blood between Buffy and me. I didn't want to take him away from everyone he's always known, make him choose between us.

Enough of the past, no use dwelling on it. Anyways a few days ago I was washing dishes in the kitchen when this girl, Kayla, knifed me in the back. I screamed, turned around and punched her lights out. After than the blackness took over. When I woke up I felt someone holding my hand. I opened my heavy eyelids to see the one, the one for me, sitting beside me. Xander.

He looked so worried. I apologized to him, something I've wanted to do for forever. Then he dropped a bomb, told me he loved me; that he always had. That was when he started getting blurry. I knew I didn't have long, so I let him in, told my secret. I whispered, "I love you." Then I took my last breath and let the darkness welcome me home. Take me away?

-fin-

Xander:

Now, whenever I go for a walk in the moonlight or hear that song she loved to dance to at the Bronze, I think of her. Whenever I see a girl decked out in black leather or drive past the motel she stayed at, I remember her. Whenever I hear the word slayer or walk through a graveyard, I long her. I may not have had her a long time, not even a whole day, but I will love her forever. I'll never forget that girl named Faith, or how she changed my life. I think I was the only person who she ever loved and had that loved returned to her. Faith's love is like the wind, I can't see it, but I can feel it.


End file.
